'Hamil kebo'; my smooth and peaceful pregnancy

How should I start this one?

So... when I write this, I've been married for 6 years. I and my husband, Edwan, did long distance married for almost 2 years in the beginning of our married because I still on my master and profession degree. We didn't specifically want to postpone having a child, but the circumstance makes us. At first it didn't bother me at all, because I think after being apart so long, maybe this is the opportunity to enjoying phase of dating once more.

But... there's always the thinking and feeling that make me anxious. First, I really want a children of my own, because I think I have so much I want to give them, to teach them, to inherit to them. But at the other side, I also doubtful that am I ready and worthy being a mom, a parent? Second, even though my family  didn't pressure us to have children soon, but there some guilty, fear, and other feeling that make me want and at the same time afraid to have a children. The last is related to my profession as a psychologist. I often telling, giving, or sharing about parenting, children development, relationship issues, etc. But, sometimes I feel that my statement is inadequate because I only speak based on theories, I don't have the real experiences. Am I qualified speaking about this?

And the stress really hit me hard when I muster up the courage to check myself up with some Obstetricians, and they said that I have hormonal problem that can affect my chance to conceive. I am trying anything I can to increase my health so that my hormone can be more stable and normal, but it really scare me, my period just become more and more irregular, my weight didn't improve regardless of diet and workout I did. 

Until to the point I'm trying to convincing myself to not giving much thinking about that and just be happy and satisfied with what I have. I'm not really bother anymore about my irregular period, I'm not too obsessed with diet and just try to eat healthy.

So, from the end of April, I've already have a feeling that I'm maybe pregnant. but I don't have the courage to tested it out. Because I can't imagine how disappointed I am if the result was negative. And I didn't want to hurt myself. So, I just put aside the feeling and continue living my life like usual. Until in the beginning of May, I'm bleeding. At that time I think that's period blood, so I just wear the pads and continue enjoying my vacation that time. Three weeks after the vacation, at the random night, I sleep alone because Edwan was at night shift, I just pray and whisper to my stomach, "Dear you there, if you really there, can you give me a solid sign that you there? Because there is no early pregnancy symptoms at all, and now I am afraid."

At Fajr, there was an accident at field where Edwan work, so I woke and couldn't sleep anymore. Just that, I feel something, not a move, nothing such. Just a feeling that there's something there. So, with impulse I took the one and only pregnancy test kit I have for I don't know how long, did the test, waiting... And... the result was positive. I can't really describe how my feeling that time. It's really surreal.

After got myself back, I packed the pregnancy result in a box to give to Edwan as a surprise when he's home that morning. I also order another pregnancy test kit to have another test to make sure, and wait Edwan to come home.

Usually he goes straight to sleep as soon as he gets home after his night shift, but he didn't this time because the surprise I gave. He wants to go to the doctor as fast as possible but I said better be tomorrow. Besides Edwan, I only tell my Mama about my pregnancy and asked them to keep it secret until the pregnancy reached enough maturity.

We go to the doctor day after, knowing that I already 11 weeks and could hear his/her heartbeat sound strong. How happy, bless, and moved we are. But, because I've bleed several weeks ago and that a sign of miscarriage, so the doctor gave the pregnancy strengthening drugs and Mama asked me to bedrest for a week to keep the pregnancy safe and healthy. 

What I really grateful was, this pregnancy was sooo... much smooth without any complaint and difficulty. I don't have morning sickness, painful headache, or eating issues, like most pregnant mother experienced. I just feel like he/she is a really good kid since. I also do not have weight gain problem even I ate so much, it really goes to the baby, seen from the baby's weight and length which increase according to the development age. I am really... really miss he/she, pregnancy control became the moment I and Edwan can met his/her, seeing the hands and legs grow, hearing the heartbeat. So funny that we can't see his/her face until so late using 4D USG, because he/she facing to my back like hiding and lie low. 'Introverted since the womb, huh?' Haha...

Local wisdom said that what I experienced called 'hamil kebo', when the pregnant mother didn't have any discomfort due to her pregnancy at all. I'm really grateful for this. I can eat everything except food that I must avoid as pregnant women such as pineapples, durian, coffee, sushi, etc. I don't feel nauseous at all. I don't have supersensitive nose that hate or can't handle certain smells. I can do activity as active as I am before pregnant. My pregnancy went smooth from the 11th weeks we know the news until very end of my due date.

I always said to Edwan that this little baby really helpful and understanding, so he/she didn't bother me so much during my pregnancy. Hoping that he/she will grow well inside and then outside me.

Can't wait to meet you, little one ^_^